What do I mean when I say that I was living a lie?
I was walking around saying I was okay and I really wasn’t. I told family and friends that everything was great and I was going through emotional turmoil. I said, “I’m alright” and “It’s all good” so much that I believed it. Do you see where I am going with this? The truth of the matter is simply this: I pushed everything down on the inside denying myself the privilege of being me. Learning this behavior at an early age is what made this a stronghold in my life. It was a process to become free.
In this place that I call TruU, I can feel, respond and move on. If an action is required to deal with the issue, circumstance or person-I take care of it. No longer do I suppress feelings pretending that all is well or the better conclusion would be: I stopped lying to myself and others.
Today I share. I call things what they are, which can be uncut or raw sometimes. I have found that some really don’t know how to deal with this. Which, of course, has gotten me into trouble because I’ve gone from 0-10. Zero = Saying absolutely nothing to Ten = Totally free. But with that freedom there comes the responsibility to have the right timing. That’s a whole other issue that I repent daily for…sort of like, “Maybe, I shouldn’t have said that.” But God is helping me with that as I continue this path of being true to who I am in Christ. I’m not a holy roller who doesn’t know who’s in charge. God is. I’m a work in progress, far from perfection, but closer than I’ve ever been to being the true Sonya.